Dear Loser,
I went to an industry networking event last week. I walked in, made eye contact with nobody, grabbed a water, and spent 40 minutes in the bathroom pretending to take important calls. Then I left. Am I doomed? — Antisocial in Atlanta
Dear Antisocial,
First: you went. You put on real clothes, traveled to a location, and walked through a door. That's more than most people who say "I should network more" ever do. You were physically present at a networking event. That's step one, and you completed it. The fact that steps two through ten took place in a bathroom stall is a detail, not a failure.
Second: you are not alone. At any networking event, at least 30% of the attendees would rather be in the bathroom. They're just better at pretending. The confident-looking person working the room? Their stomach is in knots. The person laughing loudly? They can't remember anyone's name. The person handing out business cards? They'll never follow up. Everyone is performing, and most of them are performing badly. You just opted out of the performance, which is honest if not strategically optimal.
Next time: set a goal of talking to one person. Not networking. Not building relationships. Not working the room. One person. Ask them what they do. Listen. If the conversation dies, say "Nice to meet you" and excuse yourself. Then leave. Total exposure time: five to eight minutes. That's survivable. Do it enough times and eventually you'll have a conversation that doesn't feel like dental surgery. That conversation is worth more than a hundred bathroom networking events.
Also: the bathroom thing? More common than you think. You were probably not the only one in there.
— The Loser